do you ever say too much or push too hard, and it has consequences you didn't consider? i think i ask hard questions sometimes, because i want to know the answers, but sometimes it opens up a can of worms that i don't intend. kind of like when you tell someone you love them, but they're not ready to hear it.... and then things are slightly weird because you want to pretend that you didn't say it but you still want to know what the answer would have been. i guess i create situations like that for myself. i end up doing it mostly because i am blunt and want to know, want to clarify where i'm confused... but sometimes it's me wanting to know too much about something that may not have deeper meaning, or may have deeper meaning that i'm not allowed to know about.

i might also be pushing too hard because of my desire to get to know someone better. it's one of those new things, where you're excited to be around them because they're fun and they make you laugh... but then you have to worry about all the societal norms that dictate how often you can talk to them, or what it means when certain things are said, and whether you can count on them to want to get to know you as much as you want to get to know them. the newness is good, but i also appreciate the idea of finding people that you really get along with, really click with, can really have a good time with. i think it's such a measure of the quality of a friendship if you're comfortable just hanging out. not necessarily doing anything in particular, but just chatting and joking around and enjoying being able to do nothing together. it's been a while since i've met new people that i really clicked with, so this time i think i was trying to eat it up... maybe more so than i should have. i guess for that i'm sorry, because i really don't want it to go away. i'd rather it grow into something, instead of me pushing it away. bad csilla.

i thought i blogged about this before, but i put up pictures from the mls cup game and party, courtesy of imelda. i think i'm having issues with my photo page... the source code keeps getting all messed up :( i think that the mls cup pictures work, though. let me know if you can't see them.