every time the discussion of future house-purchasing comes up (because i and several of my friends have that aspiration), i get really sad about my prospects. i'm sort of starting to come to terms with the fact that i'll never be able to purchase a home in the bay area, the place i've called home almost my whole life. i'm not moving out of california anytime in the near future, but i don't want to be paying someone else's mortgage forever. it's bad enough as it is, pouring money into someone else's house (literally, for me, since i live in a house). i'm not sure where i'd want to go, though. maybe portland... portland is a pretty cool, outdoorsy town with lots of environmental stuff going on. but i think portland is getting to be somewhat expensive, too. where does one go when you don't have much money?

liz and marla are now talking about a move to arizona... evidently arizona has a lot of growth potential, plus there are lots of cool outdoors things (grand canyon, red rock, etc). i don't know, though-- i like the desert but i'm not sure i'd want to live there. i want my mountains and my ocean and my redwoods... the thought that two of my closest friends are planning to move away, however distant that move may be, makes me really sad.

i just-- i don't know. i feel like there isn't anything specific for me out there. if i pick up and move somewhere else, which i'm likely to do if i ever want to own my home, i'll be moving to a place where i know very few, if any, people. while some may say it's adventuresome, i really am pretty tightly networked to my connections here in the bay area. and if i move away, i'll be all alone... it's easier for couples to make the decision to move away. liz (from work/soccer) and her boyfriend achai are in the midst of plans to travel and then move together somewhere for grad school. they haven't decided where yet, but they'll be together. i don't have that. not that i feel the need to have that someone in my life, necessarily, but the idea of picking up and leaving behind everything i've ever known is scary and depressing. i'm sure i'd be excited about the potential of the new place, but i don't want to have to start all over. yes, i know people do it for college, but in college everyone is starting afresh. that's not the case when you pick up and move.

eh.

work appears to be in another mass of confusion, again, too.... just when i thought things were starting to get better, the powers that be are talking about totally changing the approach of the foundation. basically they're talking about making all project administrators into glorified secretaries, in which case they need have no conservation or science background. they figure it'll be a cost-effective effort (how, i'm not exactly sure, since they can't pay an admin less than the peanuts they pay us now), but i think it'll totally destroy the conservation functionality of the foundation. why not work on morale or pay scale or perks to keep the turnover rate down? they figure it's easier to hire less qualified people so that they won't have as much job dissatisfaction. uh, yeah, that's smart business practice. whatever. again, it must be time for me to move on... and i think at this point, no one would fault me for it, either.

going to boston this week to visit boston judy. yay! i got some tips from kristen about what to see, but i'm mostly winging it. i'm hoping that judy has the lay of the land (she should, she's lived there for six years), and will have some fun places to take me. so far i know i want to see some of the historical stuff (i gather walking the freedom trail will have me hit most of the major spots) and some of the college campuses (harvard, MIT, boston university, radcliffe, tufts, etc. are all in boston). other than that, i'm open for fun! :) i'm hoping to see meg, too... i haven't seen her in years, so that'll be good.

so anyway, don't miss me much! have a good week. go sharks!! :D