death is such an odd thing. sometimes it's tragic and way too early, sometimes it's a blessing in disguise that lets an old/sick/frail person be at peace, and sometimes it feels like the person has simply gone away on a long vacation and you expect them back any day. funerals, too, are odd. they're more for the people left behind than for the one who is no longer there. it's strange to discover your recollections of someone once they have passed away, as well.

the father of an old friend passed away early last week, after a fairly brief bout with pancreatic cancer. (brief perhaps in that he was not aware of it until 6 months ago, or brief in that he kept his illness very private.) he wasn't all that old, just a year older than my own father. i haven't had much communication with the friend in recent years, but she was one of my closest friends for some of my most formative years... and i wanted to be sure to be there for her now. her father was a world-famous nanoscientist, with more research successes than i was ever aware of. his former coworkers and friends were full of glowing and tearful eulogies, replete with praises of his brilliant mind and his warmth and love for his family and his work. and yet, as a bumbling teenager in his comfortable yet modest home, i knew only the stern and somewhat aloof father. i loved my friend, adored her mother, and teased her younger siblings, but i never knew the scientific mind of the man of the house.

now, as a scientist in my own right (though not the brilliance of my friend's father), i know i would have appreciated the knowledge. as a child and a teenager, i would never have appreciated it. as an adult, i know i would... though knowing now is too little, too late.

the good thing, though, was the reconnection-- with my friend, with other acquaintances from my youth, and with my memories and my past. sometimes you don't know where you are until you can understand where you've been... and sometimes you need the reminders of where you've been to know where you're going.

... and sometimes, you just need to show up to support an old friend.