i'm starting to think about going back to real writing, rather than online stuff. it's easier for me to type more, because my fingers go faster on a keyboard than with a pen... that way i can pretty much just spew out what i'm thinking at the moment i'm thinking it, because i don't really have to stop and wait for my hands to catch up. however, i think i started this online thing so other people could have a bit of a voyeuristic view into my brain, and sometimes i don't think that's the best idea. i've submitted fewer entries lately, partly due to how busy i've been, but also partly due to my reluctance to avail myself of vulnerability to anyone who might happen to read this. actually, i don't really think anyone reads this anyway so it probably doesn't matter. but just to inform you, i may drop off the face of the planet for a while. it's been that sort of period in my life.

nothing too spectacular happening... we had preproposal review on wednesday for the fall slate, and it was supremely depressing because we have no money (STILL). we had to cut funding waaaay down, and had to turn down a number of excellent projects because we just don't have the funding for it. i got three frog project proposals this round, and i'm only able to ask one of them to move forward. i'm hoping to get another of them to reapply in the spring (because who the hell knows if we'll have funding then!), but i'm not sure the timing works for them. bummer. we also had to turn down the sierra nevada alliance, one of my favorite grantees and the group doing the best work out in the sierra nevada, because their project isn't critical within our conservation plan. augh! the sierra nevada isn't a critical region for us for some reason, even though it contains about 60% of california's native flora and fauna as well as being the source of the water for much of california. weird. i have no idea what the thinking is behind that. anyway, hopefully next round there will be a bit more leeway with funding, so we'll be able to ask them to come back again. sheesh, they've already been given the runaround a few times with the funding problems of the past few slates. ugh. we're losing any smidgen of credibility we have left, i swear. unbelievable.

i think i need to move. my life here feels stagnant. i love california, and i like san francisco and all its glory and culture, but i feel like i need some big changes to happen to jumpstart my life. moving would do that, although i'm somewhat scared to do so. i'm okay with being in new situations, but if i'm feeling lonely now among people i do know and care about, then how lonely would i be in a brand new place where i don't know anyone and no one cares about me? i don't know where i would go, either. i'd started to think about texas, but i'm not sure that's an option anymore (though i'd like it to be). maybe portland or seattle area, with coastal options for job possibilities. i can't leave until after october (soccer season tickets, man, priorities!), but... if i go anywhere else, i'll be away from my family though... and i won't be able to watch my quakes or my niners very often, either. :( *sigh* i just need to find a way to be happy where i am, wherever that ends up being.

ewww, i don't like me much when i'm like this. this weekend isn't going to help my mood much, either, since the memorial service is on sunday. lots of family people are going to be in town this weekend for that, and many of them will be staying at my parents' house (so i won't be). i'm somewhat glad that i have another place to go, though.

setareh comes home next week! yay! she takes her big test a week from yesterday, and then she comes home friday (i think). she won't be in california too long before she has to go back, which makes me sad, but it'll be good to see her.