someone please tell me how to shut it off, because i don't have the energy to keep hurting like this... if i wasn't so worried about losing one of my closest friends (which unfortunately looks like is happening anyway, much to my chagrin), i'd have cut myself off somehow already. what do you do when you think you don't need to look anymore because you've found what you want, but then it ends up messed up? how do you fix a broken relationship, mend a friendship that really needs to form some scar tissue more quickly than it does? time heals all wounds, i suppose, but i don't know if this one will mend so that it doesn't hurt anymore. someone i thought would never have it in himself to hurt me, seems to be doing it now without regard. i know he hurts, and i know his life is complicated, but he needs to open up his damn eyes and ears and realize that there are solutions to everything. there are ways to work through problems, if the resolution is worth it. you just have to be open-minded about the possibilities.

but then, i guess if it's not worth it to him to preserve what i had thought we both appreciated the same way, then it's not worth my heartache anyway... what a sad end to a story that could have been beautiful, if only...