i have to apologize to all of my readers (yes, that would be you, oh lovely 'rents) for my previous post's apparent despondency. i've been listening to that song quite a bit lately, it's true, but it's more my motivation to figure out what has been making me miserable in my life.... and to figure out what i can do to move past it. the two biggest things are as yet unresolved, but i guess i have to pussyfoot around those problems until i find a way to actually resolve them. in the meantime, i'm trying to find things to do to occupy my time and energy, and to meet new people who will make me recognize that my life really isn't so miserable after all.

not to say i haven't been depressed, because i have. but it's not the kind of depression that needs medication or therapy. it's the kind of depression that makes you look around and say, "hey, this isn't the way i envision my life." it makes you go out and do something about it. so i will, through soccer, choir, ucla alumni events, and other things as yet to be decided. i have one very determined friend who is trying to set me up with all of the young single men in the ucla bay area alumni group, but she'll have to wait until i'm actually interested. as of late my emotions have been caught up in other things, but i need to learn to be able to set some of those things aside.

i guess, in some regards, i have to take that old adage to heart: if you love someone, let them go. if they come back to you.... you know the rest. it's tough, though, when you know what you want.

other than that, things have been going decently. like i said, i joined a soccer team (zephyr) and have been out to practices for three weeks. last wednesday i actually sort of ran practice, too... the coach is on his honeymoon so there hasn't been a coach, but i was able to run some drills and get people to get a better touch on the ball. i'm going to sign up for a habitat restoration class at ccsf, but i can't enroll until friday (i'm freshman again! damn low freshman priority). i'm also getting more involved with the ucla board of directors, leadership, and scholarship stuff. that's a good start, right? plus there's choir, which starts up again in a few weeks. i can't believe it's august already! i also need to look into possibilities for grad school. i may try to do something right here in sf, who knows?

went down to so cal this past weekend for the opening of my cousin steve's restaurant, the lazy dog cafe, in huntington beach. steve is my 20-year-old cousin who knew someone (chris simms) when he worked at mimi's, and worked his way into an internship he proposed to the owner of this new restaurant (chris simms). he proved himself inexpendable, and is now considered part of the management team. he even has a drink named after him, "steve's navy grog"! anyway, this past weekend they had some trial runs of the restaurant, so the fam and i went down for a free dinner at the new digs. my old pup, duna, even gets to have his cute puppy picture displayed on the wall. it's a pretty cool deal, and i hope it continues to be a success- both for the restaurant and for my cousin (did i mention how proud i am of him? :)).

and that's that. work is still hell-- i'm trying to develop presentations for my fall slate projects, and at the same time i need to develop contracts for my coral projects, fivestar projects, and summer slate projects, and i need to review about 26 new proposals for a new education program. gah! plus i have my articles for the amphib mag that i need to proof by the end of the week. will it all happen? i sure hope so.....