ucla blues

most of the time, my alma mater makes me very proud. i bleed blue and gold. i spend extraordinary amounts of time and energy volunteering, organizing, and recruiting the best and the brightest students, volunteers, and alumni. sometimes, though, it gives me moments of "d'oh!" in recent days, i've had two examples of d'oh-- once last week, in a staggering loss on the football field, and the second time, in a phone conversation today.

let me set it up for you... for the past few weeks, i've been receiving 3-4 calls a day from an unknown number. since my phone number is fairly widely available, i typically don't pick up the phone unless i recognize the number. i figured if it was a legit call (related to health, credit, family, etc.), the caller would leave a message (and if you leave me a message, i'm happy to call you back-- and nearly always do). so, today i finally get annoyed enough to answer the unknown call, and lo and behold, it's my lovely alma mater. here's a paraphrase of the conversation, beyond the stuttered mispronunciation of my name and introductions:

alma mater (student reading script): so, we're updating the alumni directory, and we'd like to ensure that your most current information is included.
me: okay, cool.
alma mater: [verifying contact information]
me: yep, that's right.
alma mater: so, did you get the last directory? we did it about four years ago.
me: no, i don't think so.
alma mater: (surprised) you didn't? well, you should definitely get one now. we only produce one or two a decade. it's a beautiful hardbound book, and it has the current contact information for about 390,000 alumni. it's a great networking tool [blah blah blah sales rep shpiel].
me: so, can you get me francis ford coppola's personal phone number? or carol burnett's?
alma mater: i'm not sure who that is, but sure. the directory has the current contact information for numerous alumni, including those that are deceased.
me: really? you have contact information for dead people? what's the address, "plot #76, memorial park cemetery"?
alma mater: (nervous laughing) so, since you're a member of the alumni association, you get a $20 discount... which makes your total $79.95. it's a beautiful hardbound book with...

what is this, the who's who of the college set? um, yeah. so needless to say, i declined the $80 phone book (although considering my current affiliations, perhaps i should have gotten it to scope more volunteers? :))... but poor boy does not have a future as a telemarketer! i don't really pride myself on being glib, but he made it so easy for me.

good thing is, the "unknown" calls should stop now.